Social media hashtags: #DailyLines, #GoTELLTheBEESThatIAmGONE, #Noitisntdoneyet, #SOON, #workmanship, #example
A couple of days ago, I was reading a discussion about manuscript size in the LitForum, and a writer working on his first novel asked—“If you think your manuscript might be too long—how you decide which words to cut?”
He got a lot of useful answers and comments, and I answered him, too—but since my answer involved a snippet from BEES, I thought y’all might be interested in the technique, as well as the snip itself. (If you don’t care about writing techniques, but do want to read the excerpt, just scroll down to “FINAL(ISH) VERSION.”
Answer to the Question: “How do you decide which words to cut?”
You cut the ones you don’t need. The very last thing I do to a manuscript before sending it to the assorted editors (in US, UK and Germany) is what I call “slash-and-burn:” I go through it one word at a time, chanting (silently) “Do I need this word? Do I need this sentence? Do I need this paragraph? Do I need this scene?” And if the answer is no, I pull it out (mind you, I don’t throw them away (I value my work, whether I use it or not <g>); I just park them in a file called the Assembly Buffer and save it, so I can pull things back in if I change my mind or realize that I do need X because it’s attached to a later Y that won’t make sense if X isn’t somewhere, even if not where I originally put it).
Mind you, I do this in medias res, too; I don’t save it all for the final days. <g>
Here’s a brief passage, then its assembly buffer, and then the final (for now…) version:
[Excerpt below is non-spoilerish, but it is from GO TELL THE BEES THAT I AM GONE, Copyright © 2019 by Diana Gabaldon]:
ORIGINAL VERSION
Over the next few weeks, the—you couldn’t call them “warring,” nor even, really, “opposing”—but certainly “differing” approaches to God on offer at the Meeting House had collected their own adherents. Many people still attended more than one service—whether from an eclectic approach to ritual, a strong but undecided interest, a desire for society, if not instruction—or simply because it was more interesting to go to church than it was to sit at home piously reading the Bible out loud to their families.
Still, each service had its own core of worshippers, who came every Sunday, plus a varying number of floaters and droppers-in, and when the weather was fine, many people remained for the day, picnicking under the poplars and [elms?], comparing notes on the Methodist service versus the Presbyterian one—and as the congregations were largely Highland Scots possessed of strong personal opinions, arguing about everything from the message of the sermon to the state of the minister’s shoes.
…[omitted text (because it has a spoiler in it)]
After each of the morning services, I would take up a station under a particular huge horse-chestnut tree and run a casual clinic for an hour or so, dressing minor injuries, looking down throats, and offering advice (along with a surreptitious (because it was Sunday, after all) bottle of “tonic”—this being a decoction of raw but well-watered whisky and sugar, with assorted herbal substances added for the treatment of vitamin deficiency, alleviation of toothache or indigestion, or (in cases where I suspected its need) a slug of turpentine to kill hookworms.
Meanwhile, Jamie—often with Ian at his elbow—would wander from one group of men to another, greeting everyone, chatting and listening. Always listening.
“Ye canna keep politics secret, Sassenach,” he’d told me. “Even if they wanted to—and they mostly don’t want to—they canna hold their tongues or disguise what they think.”
“What they think in terms of political principle, or what they think of their neighbors’ political principles?” I asked, having caught the echoes of these discussions from the women who formed the major part of my pastoral Sunday surgery.
He laughed, but not with a lot of humor in it.
“If they tell ye what their neighbor thinks, Sassenach, it doesna take much mind-reading to ken what they think.”
“Do you think they know what you’re thinking?” I asked, curious. He shrugged.
“If they don’t, they soon will.”
ASSEMBLY BUFFER
(with explanation of changes—or not)
[I took these out because they weren't necessary, and removing them improved the flow and clarity of the sentences.]
—you couldn’t call them “warring,” nor even, really, “opposing”—but certainly “differing”
—strong but
—[poplars and [elms?],]— Hmm. Do I want specifically-named trees, or should it just be “picnicking under the trees” for brevity? (Also, would you find elms in the North Carolina mountains in the 18th century, and would they be growing near poplars?) Normally, I go for specific details because it helps fix the scene visually, but not sure about this one… I mention a particular tree a little later in this passage, so I think this time, I’m going with “trees.” Shorter, and improves the rhythm and euphony of the sentence. This is background for what’s going to happen at the bottom of the page, so no need to embroider more than necessary.
being (plus assorted punctuation). Better clarity—and as this is Claire’s viewpoint and narrative, the sentence fragment is acceptable.
[I considered removing these (below), but didn't:]
[if not instruction]—
[piously]— ditto, this one. Do I need that word? Yes, because it evokes a particular mental image that “reading the Bible” doesn’t quite cover. It’s also a judgement from Claire’s point of view—that’s how she sees the attitude of the Bible readers—and this is her voice.
[Punctuation and minor corrections.]
, and (the paragraphs here are rather long and dense-looking. I want to break up the sentences and make them more readable)
Add missing parenthesis after “hookworms.”
Change “decoction” to “concoction” (a decoction is boiled, which would drive off the alcohol from the whisky—and thanks to an alert reader of the original post who brought that to my attention!)
… [omitted material]
[ After each of the morning services, I would take up a station under a particular huge horse-chestnut tree and run a casual clinic for an hour or so, dressing minor injuries, looking down throats, and offering advice (along with a surreptitious (because it was Sunday, after all) bottle of “tonic”—this being a decoction of raw but well-watered whisky and sugar, with assorted herbal substances added for the treatment of vitamin deficiency, alleviation of toothache or indigestion, or (in cases where I suspected its need) a slug of turpentine to kill hookworms.]—
[Now, at first glance, this paragrah looks ripe for breaking up into shorter sentences and eliminating words, but I'm not going to. It's a direct rendition of the way Claire thinks—in layers, referencing each other—and (more importantly <g&rt;) give a capsule sense of what her morning surgery under the horse-chestnut tree is actually like: a parade of assorted ailments and her quick handling of them to the best of her ability. This comes well into the book; readers with no patience for parentheses will have abandoned ship long since...]
The end part, I’m not changing anything. I normally fiddle enough with the dialogue and underpainting as I go that it’s pretty much as it should be, and this is clean. Sentences short and clear, but giving what they should in terms of information and attitude.
So—
FINAL(ISH) VERSION:
Over the next few weeks, the different approaches to God on offer at the Meeting House had collected their own adherents. Many people still attended more than one service, whether from an eclectic approach to ritual, an undecided interest, a desire for society, if not instruction—or simply because it was more interesting to go to church than it was to sit at home piously reading the Bible out loud to their families.
Still, each service had its own core of worshippers, who came every Sunday, plus a varying number of floaters and droppers-in. When the weather was fine, many people remained for the day, picnicking under the trees and comparing notes on the Methodist service versus the Presbyterian one. And being largely Highland Scots possessed of strong personal opinions, arguing about everything from the message of the sermon to the state of the minister’s shoes.
After each of the morning services, I would take up a station under a particular huge horse-chestnut tree and run a casual clinic for an hour or so, dressing minor injuries, looking down throats, and offering advice (along with a surreptitious (because it was Sunday, after all) bottle of “tonic”—this being a concoction of raw but well-watered whisky and sugar, with assorted herbal substances added for the treatment of vitamin deficiency, alleviation of toothache or indigestion, or (in cases where I suspected its need) a slug of turpentine to kill hookworms).
Meanwhile, Jamie—often with Ian at his elbow—would wander from one group of men to another, greeting everyone, chatting and listening. Always listening.
“Ye canna keep politics secret, Sassenach,” he’d told me. “Even if they wanted to—and they mostly don’t want to—they canna hold their tongues or disguise what they think.”
“What they think in terms of political principle, or what they think of their neighbors’ political principles?” I asked, having caught the echoes of these discussions from the women who formed the major part of my pastoral Sunday surgery.
He laughed, but not with a lot of humor in it.
“If they tell ye what their neighbor thinks, Sassenach, it doesna take much mind-reading to ken what they think.”
“Do you think they know what you’re thinking?” I asked, curious. He shrugged.
“If they don’t, they soon will.”
This excerpt and explanatory text is from GO TELL THE BEES THAT I AM GONE, Copyright © 2019 by Diana Gabaldon. Please do not copy and paste the text in this post (whole or in part) to any other webpage, social media account, or anywhere else. Kindly share this URL instead:
http://www.dianagabaldon.com/2019/09/bees-workmanship-example/
And thanks to Beatrix Brockman for sharing her lovely bee photo.
I also posted this excerpt and information about it in this blog on my official Facebook page on September 2, 2019.
Just wanted to share something with you. I had several, necessary surgeries this year. From double knee surgery to a back fusion. I went through a lot of pain and the Outlander series books got me through it. It was my physical therapy for my mind and body, when I just need to rest my mind from all that I was going through. I’ve read your books 3 times and every time I get more out of it. You are an amazing author and I want to thank you for helping me get through this year. You made such a difference in my life with your books. May God, continue to bless you.
Dear Dinorah,
Thank you so much for the kind words. And I hope you are doing well now!
Bless you, too.
All best,
Diana
This is my male perspective after reading all your Outlander books (4 of them twice) and most of the Lord John Books. I see the essence of Jamie and Claire’s relationship in my own with my wife of 52 years. I’m amazed at how can you think like Jamie (he always nails the way I would feel). I think your personality must be reflected in Claire. I’m guessing you husband may give you insights into Jamie. I’ve cracked up reading “Like a Catamount” and “More important than Food” about 10 times. Outlander has so many parallels to my life – please finish “Bees” as soon as you can. (I’m 75 – get it!)
Hi, Danny,
A lot of people assume that a woman must think very differently than man. In some ways that’s probably true, depending on each person, but a skilled author can convey the life, mind, and actions of a character no matter the race, gender, sexual preference, nationality, or any other aspect.
I’m 67 years old, by the way, and of course I’m finishing BEES as soon as I can.
Thanks!
All best,
Diana
Hi Diana,
I echo many of the sentiments of many of your readers and I’d like to reiterate a few. I too have physical limitations which have left me aching for my once active lifestyle. Reading your books has afforded me an escape; not only temporary but long lasting, and for that I am most grateful! As one reader said, they can be reread and still be interesting as new tidbits are gleaned with each read! Thank you for sharing your passion, talent and transparency with each of us. You are much beloved.
This comment applies as much in 2020 lockdown as it did for the reader in 2019. I’ve just returned to the books this week and find them so …..well, comforting to be honest. I had just finished watching the last Episode of Season Five and found myself so disturbed by it that the only thing to do was abandon watching and return to the books. Funnily, one of the most distressing parts of the filmed version in which Briana is kidnapped by Bonnet, becomes really lovely and comforting in the book version because the group of women on the beach are not helpless, but take matters in hand as a group, to the point that Jamie later adds a humorous comment that one will have to watch out for the group of women in future.
Pamela, that’s exactly how I feel. I hope your pain eases up. I’m in the midst of a full-fledged autoimmune flare up, and I am turning to the Outlander Universe for escape. Be well.
Dear Diana,
I have loved reading all of your books for years, and have re-read all of them. The Outlander series on Starz TV is excellent, although it mostly skips over a lot of the details I loved about your books.
I sure hope you finish the book soon! I thought you said you were coming out with the new book by the end of 2019. Well….. you have two weeks left. Not trying to rush you, but we love your work & can’t wait to read what comes next in all of the characters lives.
By the way, I am the same age as you, so I am not happy about waiting too long.
Auntie M,
Er… you don’t happen to live in Kansas, do you? <g>
Slight correction to your comments… I never announced that BEES would be published and available for sale by the end of 2019. What I have said is that I am trying and hoping to finish writing—and doing all the historical research for—this new book by the end of 2019.
Once I finish writing and doing the research for BEES, it will then go to my publishers in the U.S.A. for a complicated publication process. And my publishers will set the actual dates that books will be available in bookstores, not me.
To read more about what will happen once BEES is finished, see my flow chart and blog titled, “What Finished Means To An Author.”
I am very happy and grateful that you and other readers are looking forward to BEES, but please keep in mind that my books are HUGE and full of historical research and they take a lot of time to create, including the details that you mentioned that you like. <g>
Any time there is news about BEES, it is posted here on my official website, and on my official social media accounts. So please stay tuned and check back periodically.
Happy Holidays and blessings to you and yours!
Diana
PS: My blog entry, “Want to Watch Me Write?” gives some details about my writing process.
Thank you for taking us to another world with your beautiful writings. I can’t wait for the release for BEES. Would BEES be the last book in the series?
Hi, Nina,
No, GO TELL THE BEES THAT I AM GONE is not the last book in Diana’s OUTLANDER series of major novels. Diana has discussed this publicly and said there will be a Book Ten (no title yet), which will be the last of this series which focus on Jamie and Claire.
After Book Ten, Diana says she will likely write a prequel novel about Jamie’s parents, then maybe a book about Master Raymond. So lots more to look forward to!
Happy Holidays!
Loretta M.
Diana’s Webmistress
I am more of a reader than TV person so I do wish there was more focus on finishing book 9 than the ‘next season’. I’m currently reading the entire series for the 3rd time, just wishing the new book would come out!
Hello Diana, this writing technique was certainly really interesting so thank you for sharing it with us. It was nice to see how the text improved from the original to the final version, nice lesson.
Hi Diana -
Just like everybody else, I love your books and characters! I’ve read and listened to each one so many times that Claire and her family feel like a part of mine! Can’t wait for Bees to come out, but you have so much going on in your life, not least the grandbaby! (Are you Granny?) Patience, people! Thank you for the huge gift you have given all of us.
Dear Diana,
I bought your books several years ago. I had every one published at the time. My son died and the pain and other life events kept me from being able to concentrate on reading. I gathered your books after watching Outlander on my laptop. As time went on I decided to give the books a second chance. Hooray, they were a diversion to my grief for the time I was reading. I devoured them and just got WRITTEN IN MY OWN BLOOD. I’m several pages in and just had to tell you and thank you for your giftt to me. I’ll always have pain over his death, but your respite of OUTLANDER has given me relief and a distraction.
Thank you,
MaryAnn
Thanks so much for sharing this! Was absolutely fascinating to read. Your transparency is refreshing. It’s also a lifeline to us loyal fans, it gives us something to read and mull over until “The Bees” is released!
As much as I wish you would have finished already, please just keep taking your time with making your artwork. We want quality, not quantity, and you have never disappointed us. And it takes time to make quality, as you have so beautifully demonstrated with this example.
Stay safe during this crazy time! I’ll be continuing to re-read your books while in quarantine.
Best wishes,
Kristine
Failte
I too await the publication with much excitement. I am from Scotland originally and even though I have lived in Australia for 24 years my accent is as strong as ever! I always go back every two years and visit, this gives me a chance to visit locations such as Falkland, Dysart, Culross and Midhope House, places I have to admit I had never visited before moving here. My family tree is extensive and connects to the time before Culloden and many tales after, such as Cluny Macpherson hiding in a cave, the gold disappearing (again I think Cluny had a hand, cannot trust these Macphersons).
My last visit was to Inverness and Culloden, along with the B’s, Ballater Badenoch and Balmoral, but I did get a chance to visit an area and a place called Rannas in between Inverness and Cullen. My eight times great Uncle Sir Andrew Hay had lived here and had fled to the continent specifically France when Culloden was over, he did hide out in the Highlands for a while but being seven foot two in his stocking soles, he would have been a bit conspicuous.
Reading your books brings my family history alive for me and pushes me to research much more.
Tapadh leidh agus fuirich gu math
May I please ask if there is a feedback location for other issues with Outlander? I submitted a response yesterday about the last episode of Season Five and now realise this is probably not the place for those comments. Sadly I can’t respond on Diana’s Facebook page because some of us small business people can’t link to Facebook because of the way it sometimes treats small business. I am a long-time fan, even back to the days when Outlander did not yet exist and I used to be able to go on Diana’s website and she actually responded in real time to her fans!
Hi, Joyce,
Diana has input into the series, and is an executive producer, but Starz owns the rights to the series and makes all of the major decisions. So sending your feedback to Starz would be appropriate.
Starz has a feedback form on their main website: http://www.starz.com
Diana reads all of the comments on this website and responds to some when she has time, and also sees all of the email sent to her public email address. Plus she is active on Facebook and Twitter pretty much daily.
Loretta
Diana’s Webmistress
I have just finished reading Bees this morning. I tried to steel myself as best I could for his final chapter, a grueling event (but you paced it well). I am so glad that Jamie isn’t “gone” as I feared he would be.
I feel that I (and, no doubt, so many readers and Starz watchers) am so attached to him that I won’t know how to go on if he is not living. His experiences have become part of my experiences, his soul part of my soul. (Claire’s too, but I don’t love her in the same way, as you might expect.) I am grateful that he has at least one life left to live; that gives me hope that I so need as 2021 comes to an end.
With the end of the novel, it doesn’t hurt that William is such an amalgam of his fathers, Lord John and Jamie. Looking forward to your next book.